Just a little sampling...

Here's a little sampling of what's been going on around my house.

-Everywhere we go she complains about the price of things. Today it was the walnuts at Safeway. "I'd have thought that nuts would be cheaper out here since they're grown here." Well, they're not. Either way, I get it, okay? It's expensive here. Enough.

While we were at the store she decided her feet hurt and she didn't want to go in, so she says to me "you go inside I'll wait with the baby in the car." It was only about 95 degrees in the car, so I told her she was welcome to wait but I'm not leaving a newborn in a hot vehicle. She tried doing that twice at two different stores, but I shot her down both times. Before we even left she was like "oh, I'll stay home with the baby," and I said "well, the baby is coming with me," and she got really annoyed and said "but she's sleeping- why do you have to wake her?" For the record, I didn't. She sleeps just as well in the car as she does in her swing. The baby eats every 3 hours, and if she's asleep at feeding time I wake her up, and every time I do (many times while my grandmother is holding her) my grandmother complains "but she's sleeping." I have told her six THOUSAND times that I need to feed her every three hours no matter what, or she won't gain any weight, but every single time the old lady complains about it.

We went to Best Buy and she went back inside to return the cart. On the way out, the guy guarding the door says to her "did you find everything alright?" and she snaps at him "I was returning the carriage- for the baby." And she comes out and says to me (about the guy) "what a dumb shit. He saw me return that cart." Um... What the hell??? Why she couldn't just politely say "yes" to the security guy and let it go is beyond me. Everything has to be blown epically out of proportion. The poor guy was just doing his job, and he probably doesn't remember every single person walking through the door- even if they were just there two seconds ago.

Yesterday we were walking outside and I had the sunshade on the stroller, and i went to peel it back when we got in some shade and it sort of snapped forward by accident (it's light and made of spandex with a thin metal wire frame that bends) and she says to the baby "If your mother hurts you I'm going to take you home with me." Again, WHAT THE HELL??? First, it didn't touch the gnome, second it was an accident regardless, and third, WHAT THE HELL???

She cannot, cannot, cannot understand how to operate the tv remotes. She also cannot get the concept of syndication. When we go out she needs me to buckle her seat belt because the buckle part "moves." When the car stops she refuses to get out and instead will sit there staring at the baby until the baby is out of the car- then she'll get out. Same goes for getting IN the car - she will not get in until the baby is in. Then I have to wait five more minutes while she gets situated so I can buckle her in. Meanwhile everyone else is ready to go. Not that this would be a problem if she wasn't being mean as hell.

The other day I went to burp the baby and my grandmother snaps "pat her on the top of the back, not the bottom." Well, I didn't know that, so from then on I have, but then tonight my grandmother is burping her and patting the lower back. So really it's just me who can't do anything right- it has nothing to do with what's right or wrong. She also shoves the baby's pacifier in her mouth. If she's fussing, she'll hold it there while the poor gnome squirms and tries to get it out of her mouth- she will not let her spit it out- its like she's gagging her with it, and it enrages me. Monday was the worst of the gasiness/fussiness, and my grandmother, at one point in the evening says to me "Why can't you just give her a suppository?" Well, probably because she's a BABY and I'm not a doctor. Even if it were safe to give a newborn a suppository (it could be, I don't know, because like I said, not a doctor) I don't know how to, and I wouldn't do it unless I was shown and one was PRESCRIBED. You know, by a DOCTOR. I just get so annoyed. Its like everything she says she just acts like she's speaking on the baby's behalf and if she weren't there I'd just be killing the poor child. Like I am such a terrible mother and I have no idea what my baby likes or doesn't. The gnome through all of this has been a trouper, but I feel terrible either way. I may be a new mom, but less the two hours i spent at the eye doctor and hair salon, I've spent every waking moment for the last 7 weeks with this child- I think I can understand her better than anyone else, and I think she trusts me, too.

(speaking of this, lately I've noticed the gnome will stare at me when I'm talking and refuse to look at anyone else involved in the conversation. She also smiles for me much more often, and when she gets really upset while my grandmother is holding her, she'll calm right down as soon as I take her back)

She also keeps yelling at me and telling me I need to eat "to keep (my) nutrition up for the baby." Great, what am I? Chopped liver? It doesn't matter if MY nutrition is maintained- heavens no! I swear its like my childhood all over again.

Here's just one story. One time, when I was about 8, we went to stay with my grandmother for a week in the summer. We went to the beach, and on the way home I really, really, really had to pee. For 45 minutes I begged and pleaded for her to stop at every place we passed- gas stations, restaurants, anything, but she refused. Well, I take that back. Refusing would mean she acknowledged me, and she didn't even do that. She just ignored me for 45 minutes until we got to my uncles house and I had to pee so badly I thought my kidneys would explode. Another time she took my sister and i on a bus tour and told us "I don't want you girls laughing on the bus- people will think you're retarded."

Really? For LAUGHING? Great.

Unfortunately, I don't think she's healthy enough to make a trip out here again, so that's probably a godsend, but that's so far in the future anyways. Right now I still have six days of this that I'm stuck in the middle of and need to survive. Six more days of soap operas and game shows. Oh joy.

THe worst part of all of this is, the common denominator in the gnome's fussiness and indigestion lately has been that it all started when my grandmother arrived and my own stress levels shot through the roof. I think Sarah may be right that my stress is making things worse with gnomette, but there is no end in sight right now. and despite my many attempts at letting things slide off my back, just when I think things are better she starts in on me again. I'm sure a lot of this sounds petty, but after about five thousand little things it adds up. Not to mention this has been going on for years. YEARS.

I love her, but she is being worse than my in laws could EVER be, and it breaks my heart.