Today the gnome got really fussy early on in the day, which is not common for her. I was immediately convinced it was gas, but called the pediatrician because I didn't want to start her on medicine (otc or not) without checking first, so they had me talk to an advice nurse. Harumpf.
The advice nurse asked a ton of questions, probably because she had a trainee on the line with her, and then she started taking me to task for my pumping instead of nursing deal. I can't even tell you how annoying that is. First of all, I'm calling because my baby isn't feeling good- can we deal with my apparent inadequacies as a parent later, please? Second, that has nothing to do with why I called, and third, in the immortal words of Stephanie Tanner, "HOW RUDE!"
She was all "is there any particular reason you're pumping instead of breastfeeding?" And I'm all "Yes, because i love feeling like a cow hooked up to machinery, and enjoy watching milk squirt from my body."
(No, I didn't really say that)
Actually, i told her the truth- because nursing hurts. And then i got the lecture about how i should call the lactation consultant. Well, I would, but I can't afford it right now, I say, so she prepared for me a list of affordable consultants and left it for me at the pediatricians office. Great. Thanks, I guess. I don't know. I agree with her it would probably be better for everyone involved, but its really expensive, and honestly, I feel judged, and I really would rather not have to feel worse about myself right now.
So the gnome is fine. They never figured out what it is. I suspect its still gas but the doctor (oh, the doctor) thinks the gnome is STILL not eating enough. Well what the f***? What else is new? Of COURSE it's my fault! My husband doesn't feed her at all, but of course it's not HIS fault! He's not deficient in any way. It's always ME. She gets 3 oz every 3 hrs, which is the best I can do because thats how fast I can produce that much. So the ped. recommended 2 things: fenugreek and supplementing with formula. F***.
I bought fenugreek on the way home and took some already. Will keep you posted on that one. The formula, though... Ooh, worse words have never been spoken, and honestly I would have said screw it and just ignored the doctor if she hadn't pointed out that not only is the gnome's weight gain slow for her age, but she should be gaining extra fat right now for her brain to develop properly, and since i don't want her to be stupid, I really feel as though I don't have much of a choice. Of course, we are only SUPPLEMENTING, and its ONLY until the fenugreek kicks in and i can maybe give her four oz a feeding or so, but anyways. So at her lunch feeding she got 3 oz of breastmilk and 2 oz of formula, and can i just say, the look she gave me when I gave her the formula... Good grief! If looks could kill. She can definitely tell the difference, and not in a good way. Poor kid. I feel horrible. I've failed her yet again. But she did drink it- albeit very, very slowly, and with that look on her face that could only mean "what the HELL are you feeding me, Mom?" I probably won't feed it to her at every meal. Maybe every other. Or less. I'm really tempted to just not give it to her at all, but if I can't feed her enough on my own...
Once I get paid I promise I'll go to the lactation consultant, okay? Argh. Nothing quite like inviting a stranger into your home to critique how you're using your breasts. Really, I can't wait. Oh good, an email from the MIL just came in! I ought to buy a lotto ticket today!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Hey there. I'm Nissa's sister-in-law. Look into your local La Leache League. It's free and they can help you figure out how to build up your supply and get things to feel comfortable.
Plus, I found that I became more comfortable with nursing after being around that group because they treated it like such a normal thing.
The pump isn't as efficient as a baby, so even though you can only pump a certain amount it doesn't mean that she couldn't get more out of you. Our bodies can produce milk while the baby is nursing, so she could just nurse and nurse until she was full, where the pump just empties you out.
I personally don't care if you pump or give formula or whatever. But, if you are sad about the formula I'd call AND email a LLL person today. They are busy moms, but they do love helping people out.
I'm sorry to just jump all over your blog. But this is one of those things where the earlier you address it the easier it will be.
As a new mom it is very important to find a community, I think. It is isolating to be trying to take care of a newborn and it feels very good to find other people who can say, "I've been there, it sucks, good job just brushing your teeth today." It frees you to focus on the small joys.
I'm sorry if this seems rude. But, feel free to get my email from Nissa if you have any questions or just want to vent.
If I'm throwing stuff out there I should also say... there is a huge emotional aspect to breastfeeding. Some women have a hard time with that - the level of openness you need to have to allow someone else to take up so much of your personal space.
Some people have issues with the touch element of it too.
Sometimes looking at it from that angle helps - either in getting past the block and nursing or accepting that doing some mix of methods is a better choice and not feeling guilty about that.
It's a crazy mix of emotional stuff that comes along with being a mom.
Oh, and I don't know if I ever post on your other blog..
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Post a Comment